Are You There God? It’s me, Sheila
A Non-Catholic at Mass
filed in Are you there God? on May.29, 2009
Dear God,
Okay, so did You see me? I went to the Graduation Mass at the High School yesterday….yep, that was me…I was there! I knew it would be long…but oh my You…2 hours? Not quite ideal for a girl with a weak bladder that’s prone to infection.
Oh, and before I forget, thanks for not letting the walls come crumbling down when I walked in. Then again, it was held in the gym rather than a church, so…..
It was really weird watching my kid walk down the isle in her cap and gown. Seems like just yesterday I watched her graduate from preschool.
I’ve got to say…not being Catholic…at a Catholic Mass was rather interesting. They sure stand up a lot at Mass. And for long periods of time. Up and down, up and down. Not cool when Mother Nature brought an early gift this month.
I thought it was odd that the first things that were asked for …were Your forgiveness and tolerance for our sins. I’m thinking…dang! what do these people do in their ‘off time’? Me? I think I would have opened with something like…”Thanks for a beautiful sunrise” or “for the air we breath…nature?”….something like that. Or maybe a bit of humor. (A priest and a rabbi were in a bar….) You know, lighten up the place. But I’m always respectful of others ways of worship so that’s cool.
I had to smile a moment during communion when I could spot all the other heathens and non-catholics. You know, like when everyone is standing and walking to get communion….all us non-catholics were just sitting there feeling weird as people brushed by us in the aisle. But I remembered that my son just told me yesterday that he refers to the communion wafers as Jesus snacks…or…Jeez-its (You know, like Cheez-its?) So I had to smile.
And the ‘peace be with you’, ‘greet your neighbor’ thing…that was actually quite nice. And then, after shaking hands with bazillions of 5 people….something came over me. (The sudden urge to find my Purell. What was I thinking? A germ-a-phobe shaking all those hands.) I smiled and shook their hands, but I was really thinking…I hope they don’t have the swine flu.
Anyhow, the whole ceremony was very moving….yes, even though I got stuck sitting next to the lady who was showin off her ‘churchin skills’…..who knew every song by heart and sang them loudly – even the songs the audience wasn’t supposed to sing. But hey, she smelled WONDERFUL! I so should of asked her what she was wearing! She smelled like an alchemists shoppe I once visited. If I could have nestled my nose in the nape of her neck I would of. (If she wasn’t the loud singing lady I mean.)
Anyhow, gotta go pop a few cranberry pills…for the ol’ bladder issue. Again, thanks for keeping the walls erect for me.
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Oh My! Just realized this is my 500th post! Time Flies!

May 29th, 2009 on 7:11 am
Happy 500th post!
Congrats to your daughter on her graduation!! =)
Jen’s last blog post..Aloha Friday!
May 29th, 2009 on 7:58 am
Sheila, you crack me up! I’m Catholic, so the whole Mass/graduation this is long, but real…LOL. My kids attend the Parish school(pk-8) but we don’t have a Catholic HS near us, I’m not near a large city, so we opt for public at that point, vs a car or bus drive of 1 hour each way, oh that and the exorbitant tuition that we can’t afford…LOL!
You bring new meaning to the rituals of Mass.
Congratulations to your daughter……….a new phase begins soon with college, how exciting.
500 posts! Dang woman, I’m not even at 200 yet, I feel so unworthy.
May 29th, 2009 on 8:29 am
You might also try the herb uva ursi along with the cranberry!
DaisyDeadhead’s last blog post..They call it Stormy Monday…
May 29th, 2009 on 9:26 am
It was a very nice ceremony — but, yes, too long! I suggest not sending any of them to a religious catholic college or else the graduation ceremonies will last well into the following day! Thanks again for inviting me! I really wouldn’t have missed it!
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May 29th, 2009 on 9:35 am
Congrats on 500!
I know exactly what you mean about Catholic Mass. I was raised Unitarian and my husband was Catholic. He was even an altar boy for a few years in high school. We no longer attend any type of religious services but when we did, and when are forced to attend family church functions I feel so out of place. Sit down, stand up… The last Catholic wedding I attended was almost 3 hours long and hardly any of it was in English. Brutal I tell you.
Congrats to your daughter on her graduation. The one thing that Caothilcs are known for is their great schools!
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May 29th, 2009 on 11:01 am
Happy graduation! Happy 500th post! And peace be with you!
May 29th, 2009 on 12:02 pm
Wow, 500! Way to go! And I am totally with you on the mass business. I generally try to play along, you know, mouthing watermelon through the songs and I can peace be with you with the best of ‘em. I ALWAYS feel weird, tho.
Cara’s last blog post..Monkey Bean Update
May 29th, 2009 on 12:14 pm
I SWEAR this post could’ve come right outta my own mouth… er fingers? I feel the same way when Rudy drags me to church on Ash Wednesday EVERY year.
I can totally relate!
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May 29th, 2009 on 1:32 pm
Jeez -its…that’s hilarious!
Congrats on the graduation. What a momentous occasion. Getting through high school to finally become an adult seemed like conquering a mountain at that age. Looking back now, it seems like all my school years happened in a blink. Strange how your perspective changes so much through the years.
Have a wonderful weekend!
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May 29th, 2009 on 2:02 pm
Okay I just had a good giggle at the thought of you nestling your nose in your neighbors neck. lol. I went to my tween’s fifth grade graduation yesterday. Can you say three hours?! And there was no catholic mass involved. We had dinner at 9:30 pm. I was soooooo peeved. Mayhaps I’ll blog about it.
mrsbear’s last blog post..Summer Fun For The Wee Bear – FFF
May 29th, 2009 on 4:28 pm
Congrats to your daughter, and congrats to you for your 500th post! And ha-ha on the Jeez-its. Love it.
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May 29th, 2009 on 6:35 pm
Wow. 500 posts. That’s quite a landmark.
I’m glad you enjoyed the mass!
debbie’s last blog post..Fashion in the Suburbs
May 29th, 2009 on 7:17 pm
I totally cracked up at this post!!
And heathens AND non-catholics? Aint’ that redundant?
Ah, t’was funny, this poste
And 500 posts?? really? Wow.
But… did she smell as good as Avetine Hill? I thinks not!
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May 29th, 2009 on 7:59 pm
very interesting we always have a non denominational mass
thanks for stopping by my blog
May 29th, 2009 on 8:31 pm
Congrats to your daughter! I’ve only been to Mass twice, both for graduations and it was like being a jack in the box. Up and down up and down. I found myself singing “Pop goes the weasel” during one part in my head. It really is a lovely service but hard on the knees!
Breeder’s last blog post..Eden was a Garden
May 30th, 2009 on 7:14 am
I’m sure God was laughing…
May 30th, 2009 on 9:38 am
Every time I visit a church service where communion is being held I feel like all eyes are on me and I always get the urge to smell my arm pits because all the attention I feel I’m gathering makes me sweat a little. I always wonder if God would be offended if I just got up and went with the rest of the crowd so I wouldn’t feel so awkward. But on the other hand not going up for communion also gave me good reason to not do all the kneeling either. I’ll stand but my knees hate me enough already to crunch them.
Congrats to your daughter and to you for 500!
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May 30th, 2009 on 8:36 pm
HOLY 500!
That’s awesome – I love your posts….happy 500 more.
Congrats on the graduation…I don’t want to think that far into the future when it comes to my babies. It’s a great milestone though – you must be so proud.
Church perfume…makes me nauseous. Everyone puts on too much and it swarms together and gives me a God-ly headache. yuck.
Thanks for the compliment on my cartoon – it’s my secret to staying young – I leave out the wrinkles and double chin when I draw me
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