Category Archives: Teen Driving

Driving Ms. Crazy

Posted on June 10, 2010 | 20 Comments

Here we go! …My stomach twisted, in knots. With each turn, each bend my heart races with a mixture of fear and excitement. Gripping the handbar tightly with pale ashen hands. Heavy breath and palpitations as the fear sucks the wind from me. Insane as it sounds, I know the fear must be conquered. And so as this roller coaster comes to a sudden and complete stop….I know I must remain. “Okay…let’s try it again. Turn left”.

So…it’s that time of life again. Another kid learning to drive. This one is my last, my baby.

If you’ve been following along you know that I train my kids to drive in the cemetery. For obvious reasons…the first being everyone is already dead. But this post explains it better.

So it seems I have key phrases when my kids are learning to drive. Kaylee had, “B r a k e….break….. BRAKKKKKKKE!”; MC had, “Stay in your lane….drive faster…stay in your lane!” and it appears Alan will be, “Slowwwer….Slow down for God’s sake!”

Yes…no need for a colon cleanse…just make sure you have your children a year or two apart and when you teach them how to drive…it’s like a natural cleansing…that lasts for years.

And, btw…in that pic to the left…that is him standing in front of his baby picture.

So here is the first pic of him behind the wheel. Actually driving. I probably should have been actually paying attention to the road, but I was thinking of all of you….my dear readers… and therefore grabbed the camera.

After the initial shock set in from some quick stops and quick starts…. (and realizing I hadn’t actually given him any instructions at all) reality set in and it once again dawned on me that yes…I have in fact put my life in the hands of another 15 1/2 year old. Groovy.

We approach another ‘street’. Hmmmm. “Garden of SERENITY…my ass”, I think to myself.

I also remembered that kids learning to drive have NOT developed their ability to use peripheral vision while looking straight ahead. As evident when yelling ‘watch out for that squirrel!!’ and hearing the response of “where?… “ followed 3 seconds later with “OMG right in front of me!” *screeeech*

But the squirrels made it out alive….and I’m pretty sure that a couple actually remembered our Jeep. They looked at us…squinted….I could see the little tiny light bulb going off in their heads …their little eyes bulged out and they ran in the other direction. I also saw a few squirrel mommies grabbing their babies and giving me a disapproving look.

All and all it was a good first drive and I got to scope out some graves. Which, if you knew me is like heaven to me. I just love cemeteries.
*If you have an Ohio teen driver, enter my giveaway here (til June 13, ’10)

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Posted in Teen Driving

Who needs roughage when you’ve got a teen driver?

Posted on January 5, 2010 | 16 Comments

Okay. So. There is nothing like a teenager driving in the snow for the first time on WAY TOO snowy roads to clear out your bowels. Forget the roughage, just give your kid a set of car keys. Uhhh, I thought I was nervous when she drove alone the first time? *laughs manically*

This is WAY worse.

The snow itself is that light fluffy crap they put in snow globes. I mean, that’s how it looks. It’s very pretty-ful.

It makes for a quick shoveling. Although when your scooping up snow drifts well over a foot high, it kinda feels like work.

Shane took her out driving last night to “practice” skidding. Which really doesn’t happen ‘as’ bad with ABS. He’d tell her…’Okay, go real fast!…..”Now STOP!”

She got to come out of a slide several times, so I hope to God she remembers this on her way to school this morning. And I hope she remembers to text me on arrival. I told Alan to text me and he said, “Okay, but I’m probably going to forget”. (that whole ‘man thang’)

Okay, so I’m off to the toilet to wait for my text message.

*update: Alan DID text me! “Safe but irked”
Then Middle Childs text: “The roads were scary. On our street I slipped a 180 ”
Then: “And my shoes are soaking wet!”