Here we go! …My stomach twisted, in knots. With each turn, each bend my heart races with a mixture of fear and excitement. Gripping the handbar tightly with pale ashen hands. Heavy breath and palpitations as the fear sucks the wind from me. Insane as it sounds, I know the fear must be conquered. And so as this roller coaster comes to a sudden and complete stop….I know I must remain. “Okay…let’s try it again. Turn left”.
So…it’s that time of life again. Another kid learning to drive. This one is my last, my baby.
If you’ve been following along you know that I train my kids to drive in the cemetery. For obvious reasons…the first being everyone is already dead. But this post explains it better.
So it seems I have key phrases when my kids are learning to drive. Kaylee had, “B r a k e….break….. BRAKKKKKKKE!”; MC had, “Stay in your lane….drive faster…stay in your lane!” and it appears Alan will be, “Slowwwer….Slow down for God’s sake!”
Yes…no need for a colon cleanse…just make sure you have your children a year or two apart and when you teach them how to drive…it’s like a natural cleansing…that lasts for years.
And, btw…in that pic to the left…that is him standing in front of his baby picture.
So here is the first pic of him behind the wheel. Actually driving. I probably should have been actually paying attention to the road, but I was thinking of all of you….my dear readers… and therefore grabbed the camera.
After the initial shock set in from some quick stops and quick starts…. (and realizing I hadn’t actually given him any instructions at all) reality set in and it once again dawned on me that yes…I have in fact put my life in the hands of another 15 1/2 year old. Groovy.
We approach another ‘street’. Hmmmm. “Garden of SERENITY…my ass”, I think to myself.
I also remembered that kids learning to drive have NOT developed their ability to use peripheral vision while looking straight ahead. As evident when yelling
‘watch out for that squirrel!!’ and hearing the response of “where?… “ followed 3 seconds later with “OMG right in front of me!” *screeeech*
But the squirrels made it out alive….and I’m pretty sure that a couple actually remembered our Jeep. They looked at us…squinted….I could see the little tiny light bulb going off in their heads …their little eyes bulged out and they ran in the other direction. 
I also saw a few squirrel mommies grabbing their babies and giving me a disapproving look.
All and all it was a good first drive and I got to scope out some graves. Which, if you knew me is like heaven to me. I just love cemeteries.
*If you have an Ohio teen driver, enter my giveaway here (til June 13, ’10)
I'm Sheila. In addition to raising 1 husband and 3 teens, I've founded 
LOL @ no need for a colon cleanse!! I remember very clearly teach my kids to drive. my son was a good driver but my daughter was another story. I couldn’t do it… she scared me so my husband ended up teaching her. now she drives like her dad and still scares me.
.-= Jeanne´s last blog ..Self-Restraint Needed =-.
I’m still in awe that you’ve survived four!? kid driving lessons. Without being sedated in any way! My 15 year old keeps hinting and I am just not ready. Neither are local pedestrians, wildlife, or cemetery visitors.
I actually like visiting them too, weirdest thing I ever saw was an ice-cream truck cruising through the cemetery after a burial with the music off…not sure if they were visiting or looking for customers…I suppose learning to drive is also a possibility.
.-= mrsbear´s last blog ..That’s How We Roll =-.
haha. glad i still got 8 years to prepare myself…its kinda funny you teach them in a cemetary, but i would say its probably safe…smiles.
.-= brian´s last blog ..magpie tales: silent scream =-.
Hey your on LOL today..so link up and enjoy..!
.-= laffylady´s last blog ..Im Changing My Name =-.
Now that I can breathe after all the laughter I just wanted you to know I had to forward ppl from my blog to read this.
It’s funny really funny.
Have a great day.
.-= Bonnie´s last blog ..Fast Forward =-.
What a funny story! I am so glad that I still have a couple more years before I have to go through that with my oldest. Taking her out in a cemetery sounds like a great idea.
Have a wonderful weekend!
cute poet,
you are sure very funny!
.-= Jingle´s last blog ..Magpie Tale-1 2 3 do re mi =-.
Oh you poor thing! I’ll be praying for you. He looks so young to me. I must just be getting old.
Those squirrel pics are hilarious! You crack me up. Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it
Have a great weekend!!!
The fact that you take your kids driving in the Garden of Serenity cemetery is just about the funniest thing I’ve seen this week! Did you pick it just for the name?
I am not looking forward to teaching my daughter to drive. If her current temperament is any indication, it is going to be hell.
.-= Cara´s last blog ..Field Trip Fridays: Travel Peeves =-.
sheila Reply:
June 12th, 2010 at 5:47 am
I’m not sure what the actual cemetery name is….the ‘Garden of Serenity’ is like an area in the cemetery. Ironically…this is the same cemetery where my dad crashed into the mausoleum portion which is along the main street. Years ago he was a policeman and in a high speed pursuit. He slammed into the building and the local newspaper said, “The Officer was removed from (whatever the name is) mausoleum and taken to Parma Hospital”
lol.
he was ok.
Cemetery huh? I never would have thought of that but it’s a fantastic idea!
.-= Aliceson´s last blog ..Last Day Of School =-.
is he driving a volvo…? i had two of those babies when i was younger and the interior looks remarkably familiar. i miss the old crank-top sunroof. :::tear:::
.-= You’re Lucky I Don’t Have a Gun…´s last blog ..God Save the Queen. =-.
sheila Reply:
June 12th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Nope, it’s a Jeep Commander. Which btw, he will NOT be driving when he gets his license, lol.
don’t tell him I said so, but he looks 12 to me and that is much too young to drive. just saying
.-= Paige´s last blog ..Jack Rabbit Moon =-.
Oh tht is too funny! You are brave teaching the to drive! Mine went through Driver’s Education at school. But I still had a few “cleansings.” lol
Decided to drop by because of your kind comment!
.-= Eva Gallant´s last blog ..Saturday Silliness =-.
My hubby taught our son to drive.
He will teach our daughter, too.
Because I don’t need to be any crazier than I am already.
Love the idea of teaching them to drive in a cemetery.
::snort::
My first child just turned 15… I’m SO in for it… I think I’d better remember the cemetery suggestion… and a spare pair of undies! (this is NOT going to go well!)
YOu have not posted in 3 days. Where are you???
And I just noticed your boy’s baby photo on the wall behind him. SWEEEET!!
xoxo
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Crazy Bananas: Funny Keyword Searches, 8 =-.
Oh man, i love the part about the squirrels! i actually taught me sisters boyfriend how to drive (long story) in our (then) minivan. He took more then a few turns too fast so I’m right there with ya on the “cleansing experience”!
.-= Julia @ Easy Eco To Go´s last blog ..What’s In Your Sunscreen? =-.
15 seems so young to be driving when you really think about it. you’re not old enough to vote, yet you can handle a a vehicle.
.-= fourthgradenothing.com´s last blog ..Weekend Retro Rewind | Huey Lewis & The News =-.