ME: “I’m going to the bank…do you need anything?”
Shane: “Um, yeah…can you get me some money so I can do Christmas shopping for you? Or should I just use the credit card?”
See, we’ve been married for 20 years. In that time, the only reason Shanes’ actually been INSIDE the bank is to sign papers for house loans. I seriously don’t think he’s ever actually gone to a teller and DID THE banking. Oh wait! Once, (I think after I had delivered one of the kids) he was forced to go in there. We probably needed money to eat or something….I was probably sore from spittin out a kid….and he probably couldn’t wait another week til I could get up and go myself. Anyhow…They checked his ID because even though we’d banked there for years, none of the tellers had ever seen him.
So I came home and gave him some money. And then we had ‘the conversation‘.
“Here’s the money. There’s a lot extra for gas and stuff throughout the week…because technically you should only need like $20 for my gift. ALL I WANT is a yoga mat and some yoga blocks. That’s ALL I want. That’s IT. I mean it! JUST the yoga stuff. Actually, you can just get it at KMart. I’ve seen them there. That should be very easy for you.”
“Okeeeeey. I might go shopping after looking at the flyers on Sunday.” (he had that look in his eyes like he had a fabulous plan)
“No, I mean it! That’s really ALL I want. Don’t get me a bunch of little ceramic chotchkies that I have to dust. Don’t buy me any sweaters. No shoes. No shirts. No pants. No COATS. AND NO junk. ”
He looked stunned. But…..I need to be specific. See, a couple years ago, Shane decided to do ALL his shopping for me at WALGREENS. Nope, that does not say WalMART. It does in fact say WalGREENS. Which, if you don’t know, is a drugstore chain. I remember him saying he was going shopping and he was back in like 45 minutes. At the time I asked…’did you forget something?’. ‘No’, he says, ‘I’m DONE!’
Um yeah. That year I unwrapped lots of crap. Lots of little ceramic ‘things’. Ring holders (I barely ever wear jewelry, and usually only 1-2 rings which I don’t take off), nearly a dozen little knick-knacks, and hideous candles. Candles that are shaped like Christmas characters. One’s with no base so they have to be lit on tin foil to catch the wax….and watched so the damn house doesn’t burn to the ground. Then there’s the candle holders that are ‘festive’ and hold a little tiny tea light candle. I think there were like 3 of those. Ironically, one of the last knick-knacks still left just fell off a shelf last week and broke. I had no choice but to throw it out. Oops.
It was the Christmas mailbox. The little door opened and inside was a small cellophane bag filled with like 5 hard butterscotch candies. Because, lets’ face it….what mom wouldn’t want this? I mean, after 15 years or so of child rearing, 3 childBIRTHS and being a stay at home mom….really….ceramic knick-knacks are soooo just what we’d want, right? AND… they are the gift that keeps giving…cuz you have to keep dusting the effing things! That mailbox was my nemesis. Every time I walked past it, it made me want to do bodily harm to my husband. I cringed.
I remember asking him that Christmas evening….”So, where did you get all this stuff?”
Happily and with pride he answered, “Walgreens!”
Then there’s the gifts that I CAN use. Clothing. *sigh* There’s the lovely pink garb I got one year. Head to toe, the same color pink. I looked like a frickin huge bottle of Pepto Bismol. Each item wasn’t bad on it’s own, but combined? I could have been a walking advertisement for stomach aches. Ironically that pink garb DID fit me. Normally he buys the wrong sizes. At first I was flattered that he thought I was smaller than I was. Then I realized he just didn’t look at stuff when he shopped. Size 5 slippers. (I wear a 7). Size extra small sweater (yeah, maybe in 1980), how about a kids size 10 winter coat?
Last year I told him we weren’t getting each other anything. Then I shopped for the both of us and wrapped mine from him. And on Christmas morning…I got a camera! It was a lovely gift!
By the way, that pink sweater? I do wear it (without the hat, gloves, and matching socks) on occasion. In fact, I’m wearing it in my pic in the sidebar. Oh, and later on yesterday….after ‘the conversation’…I did add something to the list. Underwear. And again, I have to be specific. “Not sexy. Regular old underwear. It’s not for YOU, it’s for ME. Size 7. Don’t buy single ones on the rack…buy a package. They come in a 6 pack. Comfy ones. Not frilly. Not skimpy. JUST. Underwear. Big girl panties.”
Yeah. I’ll letcha all know how that works out.
So tell me, what’s the worst gift you got from your spouse/significant other?
I'm Sheila. In addition to raising 1 husband and 3 teens, I've founded 
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Nuff said.
I got a cookie last year that I did not even like it..
.-= Amy´s last blog ..All About Christmas… (Meme 2) =-.
Our husbands…bless their hearts…they try.
So funny!!!! My hubby does great gifts, not bragging, just saying I can’t complain. BUT he can do his Christmas shopping at Wal-green’s. It was amazing to see and all our nieces and nephews were thrilled.
sheila Reply:
December 5th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Oh, don’t get me wrong. Walgreens has some great deals and even cute stuff. He just didn’t buy any of that.
I got a bottle of viagra, a penis pump and a better sex video! LMAO (Obviously this is just self deprecating humor) hehe
.-= OTIN´s last blog ..CHANGING TIDES (another Miller/ Otin tale) =-.
HILARIOUS!! At least he tries, that has to count for something.
We haven’t been married that long, so I don’t have many horror gift-giving stories…yet. He did give me a hat/glove/scarf set last year that I loved, except I HATED the color on me…ORANGE. Orange is NOT my color. But he was adamant it was my color, and so I decided I’d try to wear it. THe more and more I wore it, the more I realized that he was right. The set actually looked fairly good on me! And so now, I have no complaints for his gift-giving skills…YET. We will have many more years for that I am sure!
.-= Babe in Babeland´s last blog ..My Friend =-.
Thanks for stopping by last week. I am a bit behind in responding. We had a lovely Thanksgiving. We had ham and this year, I bought 2 rotisserie chickens since we are not huge fans of turkey. It worked out great and tasted good withe the sausage pecan dressing and gravy, rolls, sweet potato casserole, corn casserole, cranberry sauce, broccoli and rice casserole and pecan pie for dessert.
We had family and friends over and it was a wonderful time of food and fellowship. Hope you continue to enjoy this special time of year.
My husband is a better gift giver than I am by far. Thanks for sharing your story. It was so funny and you look darling in your pink sweater by the way! Blessings.
We don’t do gifts that way….my husband knows how notoriously precise I am and so he doesn’t bother….he does it other ways, like a few days at the Hyatt, or flying me to Bombay to see my nephew….no bummer presents, ever
.-= Braja´s last blog ..Bombay Braja… =-.
He’s pretty good about it but he sometimes picks out colors I hate or don’t look good in. Then I just wear them at home. However, we don’t exchange gifts anymore. We cut it out a few years ago to save money. One day…
.-= blueviolet´s last blog ..Paperspring – For My Bloggy Peeps =-.
I think I’m lucky in this department. My hubs gave me all the stuff I really wanted, without me even saying it to him in the face (so far). He’s a mind reader and I like that.
Excited to see what your Christmas gift will be!
.-= Grace @ Sandier Pastures´s last blog ..How to diet like the Cullens =-.
At least he tries. My husband refuses to exchange gifts, the first few years I was a little annoyed because I can always think of things to get for him, good stuff too that he’ll actually use, but now it’s kind of nice that I don’t have to worry about shopping for him AND the kids.
Good luck with the undies!
.-= Aliceson´s last blog ..10 Observations After A Week Of Living In The Land Of Seniors =-.
Thanks for your kind words. The holidays can be challenging, for sure. I love your attitude-take it as it comes and if something changes, big deal. The idea is to celebrate together and enjoy the time!!
Blessings for a glorious holiday!
Oh man! I’m sorry your honey is not a fabulous gift giver. Maybe he’ll surprise you this year. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
.-= Kacey R´s last blog ..{I’ve Been Making Some Changes} =-.
For our first Xmas as a married couple he got me a garbage disposal-which I did ask for. The part that still irks me is that we lived in two houses after that and neither of them had a garbage disposal and mine never got installed. Sigh
My husband has been pretty good with gifts. But what you describe sounds like my (late) Father, he used to buy my mother all kinds of stuff she didn’t really want.
.-= Sue´s last blog ..Some More Winners! =-.
Walgreens. Ugh. What was he thinking? We stopped trying to surprise each other a while back. Right around the time my husband bought me several outfits from the Old Maid section of Walmart. You know, the shorts that go up past your navel. Very becoming.
.-= mrsbear´s last blog ..Killer of Green and Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.