Okay, I’m selling ALL of our vehicles and I’m going out to buy a frickin tank. Yes, a TANK.  
A frickin big-ass tank.      A US Army M1A1.
This would solve so many of my frustrations. Like today for example, m1-sI took Middle Child to her 1st day at work. (While her actual store is waiting to open, she’s training at other area locations.) This one was like 5 miles away. Took us TWENTY – FIVE FRICKIN MINUTES to get there!  Driving almost the whole way on a road that only has one lanein each direction, we had to be stuck behind some moronic woman who insisted on putting her makeup on at each red light while yacking on the fuckin phone with the other hand.
Excuse.   My.   French.

Apparently she thought she was Kreskin because she knew a full 20 seconds before the light was going to change to red…I know this because she frickin STOPPED while the light was still green.   My horn got a work out. Big time.

On the way home I’m coming out of the parking lot and another woman (wuz up ladies?) sat and blocked everyone behind her (me included) from getting out because she was afraid to take anyopening that presented itself.   THREE traffic lights. Three. Before she pulled out.   And that was only because I laid on the horn until she moved.  O.M.G.  Dumbass.

If I had a tank, I would have blasted the shit out of those people BANG! POW! Dust flying. Oh the humanity! Those asswipes that pull out into moving traffic and hit their brakes or go like 10 mph??  ? KA-ZAM!   Plastered all over the side of the road.   MuuuWaaahhhhhhhhhhh!  This tank has like 6 periscopes in the commanders area.  Oh yeah!  That’s my kind of vehicle.  I could get a 360 degree view of all the frickin assholes around me.  No more being late.  No more of that jerk in front of me stopping the flow of traffic in rush hour because he’s on a laptop, or the phone.  Moron. 

You know?  This would come in handy for the neighbor who ties their dog to the tree and leaves it there all day.  I think they need a piece of my new tank.    The dude who walks his dog and let’s it shit all over my lawn ~ and doesn’t bring a bag???    Yeah, I got a little somethin-somethin for you pal.   

Yep, I’m gettin me a frickin tank.    That’s it.  I’m done.  I feel better.  (Til tomorrow when I have to go back out.)