Dear Family, I had to fire the maid.

Yes, I know it’s going to be difficult but there is no money left in the budget to pay the maid mom her pittance every week for doing housework.  So let’s do a refresher on what everyone who lives under this roof is expected to help out with.  Oh, and let me say, the delusion you may have about some magical fairy is false. 

The macaroni and cheese noodles and popcorn kernels stuck in the sink were removed by me today.  Painfully hand plucked from the little groves in the drain.  This can be avoided if you would take a minute to clear your plate in the garbage before rinsing it in the sink and putting it in the dishwasher.  (Yes, plates go right into the dishwasher….that’s why we have a dishwasher!)

The soap scum in the tub has, once again, been cleaned by….ummm let’s see….me!  I don’t mind cleaning my own scrum out, but I do mind cleaning yours.  See, once the tub drains, there’s this yucky whitish stuff stuck all over the sides of the tub.  That is scum.  The reason you may not know what this is, is because when you get into the tub….there is no scum. 

The toilet is not only used by me.   If you sit on it, you should at least once in a while, clean it.  And after you do your tinkling….take a quick second to check and make sure you didn’t leave any little yellow droplets behind, because I truly hate sitting down only to get up with a cold wet ass.

I cleaned the bathroom garbage can again today.   When you throw a nasty tissue or Q-tips in there and it’s so full that it bounces out and onto the floor….that’s a little hint that it’s too full and needs to be emptied.  It’s doesn’t magically get emptied! (I know this is a hard concept to follow but stay with me)  First, you take out the bag lining the can, you throw it out, and you put a new empty bag into the can.  Got it?

The rice krispies that someone left strewn about the kitchen counter?  Cleaned up.  Not by mice, which, I’m a little surprised we do not have considering crumbs are plentiful….I cleaned them up. 

All those dishes in the sink and stacked on the stove?  Done. 

Bathroom sink?  Cleaned.  See…now get this one guys…that spray bottle that sits by the side of the tub in the bathroom?  That is c-l-e-a-n-e-r.   Bend down, pick it up, and spray it’s contents into the sink, the tub and on the toilet, and voila!  That and a few paper towels will get you everywhere! 

And don’t roll your eyes and say you don’t have time to help with this stuff, because not only did I do all this today….I also baked and decorated a birthday cake, did 3 loads of laundry, worked and wrote this post.  Oh, and you will also be eating dinner tonight prepared by none other than me.  (of course)